Characteristics of Poor Communication:

  • TRUTH: You insist that you are “right” and the other person is “wrong.”
  • BLAME: You say the problem is the other person’s fault.
  • MARTYRDOM: You claim that you are an innocent victim.
  • PUT-DOWN: You imply that the other person is inadequate because he/she “always” or “never” does certain things.
  • HOPELESSNESS: You give up and insist there is no use in trying.
  • DEMANDINGNESS: You think you are entitled to better treatment but refuse to ask for what you want in a direct, straight forward way.
  • DENIAL: You insist that you do not feel angry, hurt or sad when you really do
  • SARCASM: Your words convey tension or hostility which you are not openly acknowledging.
  • SCAPEGOATING: You suggest that the other person has “a problem” & you are sane, happy & uninvolved in the conflict.
  • DEFENSIVENESS: You refuse to admit any wrongdoing or imperfection.
  • COUNTERATTACK: Instead of acknowledging how the other person feels you respond to their criticism by criticizing them.
  • DIVERSION: Instead of dealing with how you feel in the here and now. you list grievances about the past.

Written by David Burns